Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Love knocks you off your feet

I've had my ups and downs today. Sure enough I might ruin everything but what happens happens. Things need to get out in the open.

Anyways, today is wednesday :)

One week from today I'll be signing up for my new school. And the best part is that bryce is going to be going to school with me and riding the same bus.

On Friday I'm going to get my hair cut and highlighted then hopefully go to
Julia's party, then Hailey's for the night and then my aunts Saturday. Idk though.



Monday, July 27, 2009

Miserable Mondays

To say that today has been great so far would be a big lie. So I texted Bryce last night to see when we were going to meet. Turns out he had plans he "forgot" about. I mean seriously, if you don't want to hang out with me you could just say so. But I don't know what to think anymore.

I'm not upset like I was Saturday. No, I'm more mad that he wouldn't have told me if I hadn't asked. My friend that I had confided in about the topic kept saying, "what if he's going to make it up to you?"

In other news: I'm totally mad at my dad and my sister. She's not even his kid and she calls him dad. It bugs the crap outta me, but I'm the only one who doesn't like it. And then I get news that they both went against my wishes and searched my room for some stupid ds games that I SAID I DIDNT HAVE IN MY ROOM. Do they find anything? No. Stupid stupid stupid.



Sunday, July 26, 2009

Ok, Wow....

So, I really over reacted yesterday. I mean it wasn't his fault. He was supposed to get his hair cut at 9:30 to meet me, but it turns out his dad didn't get up till 10 and wasn't ready to leave till half past 11. Even then he kept telling his dad to just forget it, he was going to come out and meet me. But his dad took him anyways and when they got back he had to fix his XBOX 360 since his brother messed it up. By the time he was almost done I had gone ahead and told him to forget it because I would have had less than an hour. And right after that his friend called and asked if he wanted to go and hang for a little bit. Bryce said his plans had been cancled (my fault) and he went ahead and left.

But last night when I had talked to him about changing the date to a better one. So we have it planned for tomorrow. I have to babysit but the kids need to be outside so that's what they're going to do. Plus I'll have my cousin Dusteen with me, and that will help out some. He promised again, but now he knows he owes me. We talked it out last night in person.

I think I'm fine now.


Saturday, July 25, 2009

I'm done

I hate him. I hate him so much. He left. He went to a friends house. I'm done with it. With him. He promised.

I guess I shouldn't have expected anything different.


Ugh part 2

Here it is; almost 1 and that's it. I really want to cry. We agreed on 10. But his hair needed to be cut, so he texted and said after that. Now he's doing something and won't be out for another 20-30 minutes. But see, I have to go to a family cook out today around 2 and I'm beginning to give up hope.

I'm about to tell him to forget it. But he's my only real friend here where I have moved.




I was supposed to meet Bryce at 10. But he's not here. We were going to meet outside since we're neighbors but it's a quarter past eleven and he's not here. I'm both mad and hurt by this.


Back to square one-literally

So he's home now. Thursday was his trial and they sent him home under the fact that they think him being home will be better than juvi.

He's ashamed of what he has done. I know this because he won't talk to me. He thinks I'm mad or upset. Which I was but now I'm just happy he's home.

So if you haven't figured it yet; Bryce is the one who has been causing me so much trouble. And this is what I mean by square one;

Last year when we went out he was the good kid I had always known. After we broke up he went downhill. So in feburary he got into major trouble. It took a week (actually it was the first day or so that I had seen him) and it took us till June to go out again

Then we broke up and he went downhill again. Now he's back out. Friday we got to hang out a little bit and today we're going to hang out. But considering it's 12:33 a.m. Yeah I've got about a while. But it won't be long until we're chasing after each other (and it'll be even more fun now that we'll be going to the same school)

So in the square I am back in the first one. Bummer. It'll probably be this way until we decide to get married or go our seperate was as a couple. Idk.

Going to bed because a "date" as just friends is calling my name.


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Ask Yourself

"has anything you've done made your life better?"
-American History X

I've done nothing remarkable with my life, so honestly no. But there are little things that I have done that have made me think. I've gone 14 years without a kiss. It's not a choice I regret (at times I do regret it, but it makes me think how magical my first kiss will be)

I watched that movie today, American History X, and it is very sad. I was only watching it because my mom wants my "friend" to watch it. The one mentioned in previous posts, where I am clearly upset. But I just can't help imagining him in the position of the main character and or the main character's brother.

Anyways, i'm going to be. Comments are loved.

Monday, July 20, 2009

New Blog

I have created a new blog, and the idea is for all of us to come together and post as one with all our problems in one place. It will be open for everyone to read, and if you'd like to become an author of it I'll need your email address. If you feel comfortable with posting it as a comment, please do so, but if you'd rather not, you can email it to me, stating your blogs name and any info.
I have some people that I'd love to have join becase of all they're kind words:

Plus If any of the bloggers who join have others they'd like to invite, just pass it through me, and they'll be sure to be added.

Come together and help one another.

Sunday was week three

Last week went so well. WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?? I'm a mess right now,
crying as I type. Sometimes it feels like he's dead. Like he's left me
here. I don't like feeling like this, trust me I really don't. But I
can't help it. I need someone to talk to-

Aim: talk2knowitall88
Emailm or yahoo messengerl:

Monday, July 13, 2009

2 weeks have gone

It's been two weeks. Time to move on, right? Yeah, well, I'm half way there. I've been keeping an updated diary of what happens every day. Maybe one day I'll post it. I didn't cry this time. That's a plus.

I'm watching Casper and I'm about to go to bed. Sorry about the lazy update. More to come

Au revoir et ont une merveilleuse prchains jours!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009


I can't seem to stop asking myself why.
Why do I cry myself to sleep?
Why do I torture myself with music?
Why can't I move on?
Why must I continue thinking about you?
Why can't I get over you?
Why have you put this spell on me?
Why can't I be normal?
Why did you lie; say you love me?
Why did you love me?
Why did you leave me?
Why do I continue to ask why?!

Why do I write to you; pretending that you'd read it.

Why me?

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

As time slowly passes

I think I'm slowly starting to get myself together. I just try to hang in there.

I'll tell you about my weekend later. Tootles...

Friday, July 3, 2009

It takes time

It takes time to heal.
It takes time to understand.
It takes time to forgive.

No matter what, you shouldn't regret anything. Why? Because it could very well be the reason you smiled at one point in time.

I'm learning this lesson at the current time. But it's a hard lesson. I don't understand how I couldn't regret some of the things I said to people that have messed up my life, threw me in for a turn...but I guess it takes time.

I cried myself to sleep last night. I woke up with a killer headache. And now I'm just thinking.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Holding on

Well....I'm trying to make it through the week. I'm not sure how well I'm handling it. I've only got one more day to go.

It seems that ever since school ended and I've moved to my mom's people from my old school aren't talking to me as much. I mean there's Julia who makes the honest effort to spend time with me...but what about all my other friends? Hailey?? I try and talk to her all the time but she seems to always be busy. Anne?? I tried texting her a while back, and I comment on her blog when ever she posts...but she didn't text me back, and she doesn't text me out of thin air. We used to do that all the time. I just feel as if every one is leaving me. Or forgetting about me.

None of the whole friend issues are helping me with the depression any...that's why I'm excited that Julia is coming over for the weekend. Again, I state that she is the only one who is actually making an effort to be my friend still...

As for the issue before this, I'm still trying to pull through. I'm slipping down under at times, and there are moments that I wish to cry, but I'm keeping it in...don't want to look weak. I'm inscure about that type of thing...not being strong.

Fireworks all weekend. Going to try and get my mind off the situations. Waiting for Juila to come tomorrow. Thanks for reading.

Signed and Laced with Dreams,