Saturday, May 30, 2009


My throat is KILLING me. They had me so sedated that I almost quit breathing, but I wasn't in pain, so it was fine with me, but the heart moniter kept beeping and saying that my oxygen was dropping, and they kept waking me up. It was FAR past annoying. But I'm home now. And it still hurts, but it's better than it was yesterday morning.

Umm, so, as for Bryce...things are going like this: He's honestly worried about me with the surgery. He had it done, and he knows how much pain I'm in, so he's sweet. Really sweet. But he has a girlfriend-again, and it's not me. But he's waiting for me, until he gets away from some things. And he's trying. But he came over last night, and we watched My Bloody Valentine. I had my pillow on his shoulder, and ended up movin it to his lap since he said it was ok, and he was comfortable like that, which was good news. And he kept asking me if I was ok. I think I totally freaked him out with it. He was suprised that he was allowed to come over, but since I was doing quite well at that point in time, my mom said sure.
He's really sweet. And I know what we both want. It's a matter of effort on his side. Because honestly, I don't think him and this new girl will last. Especially since he can't seem to stay away from me. I feel sorry for the girl.

Well, I'm not feeling all that great today. I started pain killers yesterday and they made me drowsy, I started my antibiotic yesterday- bubblegum flavored, and today I started steroids in liquid form. Oddly the steroids taste like bananas...crazy I know.

Signed & Laced with Dreams,

p.s. this was my 200th post! WOO!

Monday, May 25, 2009


Well, I failed at the posting things for you guys. I'm terribly sorry. I've just been busy with the last week of school right here, and my surgery on friday....Oops...Did i forget to mention that? Yeah, well I'll be out of it for a few days while I get my tonsils removed. Man, I'm really slacking behind.

As for Bryce, things are really iffy between us. Like we're friends, but totally just neighbors at the same time. I guess things will change when I move, because honestly, I know how he is.

I recieved this foward the other day.

"Did you know...when you dream about a person that person went to sleep thinking of you?
Did you know...when the person you like looks at you and then looks down they're crazy about you?
Did you know...that when that person looks at you directly in the eyes they love you more than you think?
Did you know...when that person looks at you alot they can't live without you?
Did you know...when they leave they say bye too much because they don't want to let you go?
Did you know...when you get hurt that person cries?"

And see, that foward just totally hit me yesterday, because I had a dream about Bryce, and it totally shocked me into reading this again, and surely fill in the blank..._______________.

Things are going good, other wise. I'm totally ready to move, and for summer to start. I really need to get a new tan. My one from spring break is starting to fade.

Other news....well, there is none.

Signed & laced With Dreams,

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Second Chance

Maybe it's just me, but life seems to really be going downhill now. Rather, it's just my friends seem to be going downhill, but for once in my life, I don't really care about what they think. They say I'm the one pulling away, and I probably am, but maybe I'm doing it for a good reason. Maybe it's them, the reason I'm pulling away? I don't know, but I know it has something to do with being hurt. I'm sick and tired of being hurt. Of them hurting me, even if they don't know they're hurting me, they are.

For once, I'm not offering a second chance.

If this is what it's going to take for them to realize that I'm serious about everything I have said, then fine. That's what I'm going to do, but I'm not going to be the one to be weak this time. I'm not giving in when I say I am not going to take this anymore.

Fine by me. Great song, above. Shinedown-Second Chance.

As for the Bryce situation, it's nothing so far. We aren't talking over the phone, just in person, so it'll be a few more days until updates are available.

Signed&Laced with Dreams,

Sunday, May 10, 2009


I'm really not sure what to say. I've been gone for a while, and everytime I go to post, I become speechless (in a metaphoric way-I can still talk).
There's this song, Fifteen by Taylor Swift, and I know I'm not fifteen yet, but it seems to describe me in some ways. Saying how it's like, you don't know who you are at the age, you're still looking, finding people and things, words to describe how you want to be. I like it, and I just listened to it today, but I like it a lot.

To the pressing issue lately, Things are actually going fine. You can tell how he feels, just by how he acts around me. He's a flirt, (and of course I flirt back! What kind of crush would I be if I didn't?) and when we watch movies together (like with my family. Everyweekend is mostly a movie weekend if we have a good movie to watch) he'll try and sit close to me. It's always been that way. And he's never been able to stay mad at me. Take one look at him when he's around me and you'll see that in his eyes, (which dart around when he gets caught looking at me) he feels something. Hopefully it's enough.

One thing is for sure, he already misses me. But when is it going to be enough to come back to somthing that he wants? I'm still here, aren't I?

Signed & Laced with dreams,

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Music, Life, Love, and More Music (not in order)

I don't know weather I wish to cry, or punch a wall. How in the world did I think I could get over him? He is a part of me. He helped me in my time of need....and now when I wish to help him, he says he doesn't want me to get mixed up in all of the "bad stuff" he has been around lately...
I'm a good kid! I always have, but if it takes me getting into trouble to show him how much I really don't care, then fine, BRING ON THE TROUBLE!
What am I saying? That'll only make it worse, because he'll think it's his fault. It's not. It's mine. I told you he doesn't care, which I thought he didn't, but he does. He cares a lot. And he's trying to be a good person, keeping me away from all of the bad stuff in life, but that's like trying to shield me from an on coming car colision while you're in a completely different car five miles behind me. It's not logical.
Music has been in my head as long as I can remember. It's how I live through everything in the world. Can't explain how I feel, I'll know a song that does. MUSIC IS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME. It has never once let me down. Right now, I have about 5 songs that explain how I feel. The main one being Miley Cyrus' The Climb. It's actually a good song.
Life. Sometimes I miss it. It's back two years ago when everything was so much easier. Now life almost isn't worth living, because it's so hard, but I musn't think of death, because of all the things; people I love, Music to sooth the soul, my possessions, and myself: that I'd leave behind.
Music. When the headphones are on, the only thing that matters is weather the volume can be turned up any louder. I think I'd like to Lose myself in the music right now. and my writings.

Signed & Laced with Dreams (broken or not)