Saturday, January 30, 2010


Dear Josh,

What is wrong with us? We never seem to be able to keep it altogether. I'm trying my hardest to keep you from falling apart. Why won't you let me help you? Im trying to keep us both alive, and well, will you please let me help you?


Friday, January 29, 2010


Dear Josh,

I guess things are different than they were once before. I still don't know what changed, but something did, and when I find out, it'll be the next big thing since..well...when you admitted the one thing that literately made my life fall back into place...well and then it kind of crumbled again. But I guess life is all the same, I'm still waiting for a day when the music is sweet, the fruit is ripe, the air is fresh, the rain is clean, and love is all I need.

But that day has yet to come, but when it does, you'll know..You will all know. :)


Thursday, January 28, 2010


Dear Josh,

I don't understand what has happened here in the past couple days. I've been so great, and then

it all comes spirialing down, 'round and 'round when

I hit rock bottom, and then my boat sinks, it's lined with lead and it's filling with water, faster and faster, and soon I'll be drowning in my own little world, I'll be lost in the water, lost in the light, lost in the little world where I know only one thing, what I feel towards this one person. Maybe I'll figue it out eventually. Maybe I won't ever figure it out, why I go up and down, but then again maybe everyone is right, maybe I have lost it. But I haven't lost this one thing that matters the most...and I'm glad I still have it.


Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Happy Birthday To Me O_o

So, my birthday morning went a little something like this:

Monday: come home sick from school, go to sleep from about 12:30 to 1 ish. Monday night: cant sleep. supposed to be asleep, but cant sleep. Tossing and turning.

Tuesday morning (3:45 am ish) Im too warn. I get up to go change pants, and i start brushing my hair. when im done i take the hair out of the brush and suddenly i'm uber dizzy. I bend down and calm myself, thinking im going to go get mom. Everything goes black and i dont remeber anything.

I wake up with uncomfortable pains in my back. I had passed out, fallen to the ground, hitting the towel rack

(COULD HAVE been worse, like i could have hit my head on the counter sink!)
Mom flips and takes me to the ER. I spend 2 and a half hours testing only to find out they dont know what causes that for me, and i have a tendency to pass out when "over heated"

So now I hurt, bruised and all, but I'm oK.