Lack of Posting

Some things have gone on lately. Bad terrible things. And I had suddenly stopped blogging. I feel terrible about it. But I think while I was away I had the chance to find apart of me...a part that was always there, under all the things that have happened.

So, this person has thrown a lot of stuff on us lately. This perosn was my problem last post, and has led us to a lot of things. They were on house arrest lately, because their friends picked them up in a stolen car, and they didn't know, but they were still charged. They were on house arrest until the court date, but yesterday, they decided to cut off the anklet from house arrest and run. They had an hour after they left to come home and only be charged with cutting it off, but they didn't come home until later that evening....and I had to watch them arrest him. Yes, he's one of my best guy friends, and it is a guy. His mom was over there and she was one case.

I woke up yesterday morning to find out that he had cut it off. His brother acted ok, but he was a mess. Just like me. I spent quite some time in the bathroom, crying my eyes out. Then later, I was talking to his brother, and we both cried for 5 minutes. But he told me that he didn't want to see his brother arrested, so my aunt took us to the Dollar Tree, and his mom was so thankful....until we arrived home too early. We got there in time to see him walking out in cuffs....

It's hard to see your best friend get arrested, so natrually I started balling. So did his mom, and my aunt gave her a hug, and his brother hugged her, and then he came in our garage and I was already crying, and he started to cry too and then his mom came over and kept crying and telling him it would be ok and that it wasn't the last time we'd see him. And she looked at me and hugged me. I've never felt so loved before. Just to have her hug me and tell me it would be alright was enough to rip my heart apart. Then I realized my cousin watched it all.

My cousin is 3...and he looks up to him like a brother....and he came to me and said, "He's goin to jail, TanTan..."

It broke my heart.

So I was slowly stopping my crying and his brother and mom had gone back to his dad's house (their parents are divorced) and when their mom came back out she looked at me and mouthed, "It'll all be ok."

She was (and still is) really concerned about me. And I'm concerned about her.


So as you can guess, I'm crying again, as I type this post. I have hit my depression again. I feel like I'm going to get sick all the time, and I'm always crying, and I'm irritable, and no I'm not PMSing, but it just breaks my heart.

Even though this has happend, I realized something...I still care for this person, even if they don't care for me as much. Or maybe they do. I don't know, but I still haven't given up on this person, because they know me, I know apart of them, and I know that he wishes to be a good person again...he's just lost.

Signed and Laced with Dreams (and a few tears this time),
Tandice