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Sunday, December 14, 2008

100th!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is my 100th post! Pretty exciting if you ask me. Now if only I was in the mood to actually be excited about this.

Sigh.

I'm not in a happy mood at all.

It could deal with the fact that I'm hungry, but that's not it. It could deal with the fact that I'm like a walking dead person, I'm so tired, but that's not it.

No, the true answer:

I have lost my sight on who I am.

I feel like my friend and I are too close, that if I was to one day lose her, I would lose myself as well. Maybe I have lost myself because I'm losing her. Sure, I'm her best friend, but put us next to eachother, look at us, and who are you mostlikely to chose to be friends with??? Her. She's so much better that me at everything and it makes me feel intimidated! I feel like I base all my decisions on or around her. I feel like I am doing nothing but mimicing her! I'm sick and tired of being this way, I'm tired of feeling like I'm useless because she's around. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death, she's my best friend, but still I hate being like this.

I'm backing out, leaving her to find her own way, because I lost myself in becoming so close to her. I can't see who I am, or where I'm destined to be. I gotta find myself; by myself; and it's going to be one hell of in internal and external battle.



excuse me while I go and get some sleep. Sorry for the unhappy 100th post.



Tandice ♪

4 comments:

-*WOLFY*- said...

you two are best friends and she just has that effect on people... and if anyone were to lose a best friend they would lose part of themself too. i cant think of two people that are closer friends than you and her. i would LOVE to have a friend that i could bascilly trust telling them ANYTHING and i am trying.. but anyway i just think you should except that you two are such great friends and be happy that you have a friend like that. =)

.:aliella♥:. said...

If you were talking about our friendship..you could've just told me. I mean, after all, isn't that what best friends are for? Absolute honesty- no matter how crappy it comes...

-*WOLFY*- said...

ha see tandice i told you to tell her

<.:OeCd:.> said...

Yes, but I'm just trying to admit I have the problem. Now I'm fixing it