Friday, July 9, 2010

Dear Josh,

Sometimes we are so over wrought by anger that we do not see how truly blessed we are. As I lie awake in bed late into the night I think of how wrong we would have been together and at the same time I think of how right we were friends. I know now that the things in our past, they can never be replaced and as hard as it is to think about, they can never happen again.

It seems as if in the passing months we've grown further and further apart until it is here that we stand, two sides of an equation with nothing in common, no way to be bound on one side, always going to be opposites. See Josh, what school hasn't taught me was that I will suffer a lot of pain. I will cry endless rivers of tears and I will have broken hearts a many, but I too will break hearts just as mine has been broken.

What school has failed to teach me I have taught myself through trial and error and watching people around me. I have felt such raw emotions, been scrubbed clean of who I am by the power of the tears I have shed. I have spent countless hours just asking what I did to lose what I should have held close. And then I returned to my blog and I have seen with my eyes the error of my ways.

People who read this and think it is beautiful what it is is raw emotion something people do not know enough of. They have not seen the emotion of being stripped apart from your past, one person at a time, they have not spent months wallowing in their anger, in their guilt.

Josh, where has this got it's end? Is there an end in sight for me? Whatever it be, God shall be my guide. As for you, this blog, it holds nothing but memories, and I shall keep it forever but there is no need to continue to write on a blog that no longer has any use to me. So Joshua, I bid you farewell, and if we meet again in heaven I'll know God has sent us our angels. This is the last post on this blog about you. I'll start a new blog with the school year. Until then..